Well, today was Candace's second to last session for counseling. She has adhd and its good for her to talk to someone other than me about some of her issues. And sometimes I get to sit in on the sessions, today was one of those days. I grew up with my mom, dad and brother. Based on my childhood I learned ways to parent and some ways that I didn't want to parent my children. Well, I've noticed some of the bad traits creeping up on me. I don't like it at all. I remember how it felt to feel very unloved at home. And now my daughter feels that way. It breaks my heart because I do love her but I don't show it the way I ought to. The way she needs me to. The way I wanted it shown to me. How to break the cycle... easy right- just start showing more affection! Well, duh. But its a little more complicated than that isn't it?? Maybe not. Maybe thats what being a parent is all about. Maybe I need to just get over myself and do for Candace what wasn't done for me. And thats to just sit and snuggle on the couch, not tease her or call her a blonde, to listen when she wants to talk and to make her talk when she doesn't want to but obviously needs to.
I'm gonna miss Molly and so is Candace but she has given us such a gift- tools for us to work on our relationship and the realization that we can start over and we don't have to be me and my mom. We can be Megan and Candace. Which I think is going to be just great.
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