No more nummies

Its official. I am officially done with breastfeeding.

With Candace I was 19 and breastfeeding was hard. I used a breast shield with every feeding, saw a lactation consultant, and cried alot because it hurt and I felt like a failure. I nursed her for a whopping 3 weeks. And that's with formula also. Found out 9 years later that the reason I wasn't producing milk was due to my cesarean infection. That would have been nice to know back then. Oh well.

With Camden I was 24 and as soon as we were rolled into our room I popped him on the boob and he went to town. He was a pro from the start. My only little bump with him was at 2 weeks old and I'd had Taco Del Mar for lunch. I called my mom at midnight that night crying because he was crying and hungry but wouldn't nurse. So then I cried while I made him a small bottle. Finally he went to sleep. Then next day my nurse came to check on us, and when I told her about the night before she had me pump to see if maybe I wasn't producing (my fear, because of Candace) but I pumped 3 oz pretty quickly- she was actually impressed I had that much so early on, but like I said, Bubs was a pro. She then asked what I had for lunch yesterday. When I told her she asked if my food was spicy and smiled when I said yes. That was the culprit and no more Taco Del Mar for me after that. We went until he self weened at 10, almost 11 months.

Now Carter was my champ. I was 28 when I had him and was 99% sure he was our last. He too, took to it really well at first.  On day 2 we had a little trouble. Turns out he was tongue tied (the stringy thing under your tongue went all the way to the tip of his tongue) so it made it harder for him to latch on. We powered through it and at 2 1/2 weeks I took him to Childrens and they snipped it and holy moly it was so much easier after that. Nursing took less time and didn't hurt quite as bad. Carter also had GERD so he nursed almost constantly. Once we figured out his deal, got him on medication and a sleeping wedge things got much easier. but it was a rough 4 months at first. At this moment we are sitting on the couch watching cartoons, he is 2 and almost 3 months. Its been one month and 3 days since I last nursed him. It just dawned on me.  I nursed him last on March 26th, the day before we left for Hawaii and the boys went to stay at Grandma V's for the week. That was how we weened. We were down to once or twice a day already. Its kind of sad, but I'm okay with it. I am proud that we did it for so long, especially considering all his health issues. When he couldn't eat, he had his nummies. I always thought it was weird if you nursed a kid when they could ask for it, but when Candace was a baby she would ask for her "baa" and I'd give her a bottle. How is asking for "nummies" any different? Some friends and family members thought it was a little weird, but thats okay. It really is a personal thing and I don't regret it what so ever, in fact I miss the closeness but now that he has stopped hitting them and asking for nummies, he snuggles up to me and lays his head on my chest. Its nice too.

Some places I've nursed (just so I can remember and laugh)...
Group Health hosp
my parents house
gym
Valley Medical
carriages apartments
Joey's moms house in Lynnwood
maple valley comm church
Kathy Scotts house
airplane to and from Georgia
bathroom in funeral home in Georgia
Nanny's old house in GA
hotel we stayed at in GA
Chick fil A in GA
my car
the van
bathroom at the mall
Skillet concert in Spokane
hotel in Spokane
Kira's house
Calvary Fellowship
doctors office
Dani and Marchello's wedding reception
March of Dimes walk
Seahawks game
Mariners game
Joey's football games
ferry boats
Red Robin
Azteca
The Olive Garden
my Grandma's house
the Seattle Aquarium
woodland park zoo
Green Lake
park by our old house
Lake Ballinger
Joey's moms house in MLT
OUR FIRST HOUSE :)

Random rambling

When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities.

When GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

Nanny sends me all the chain emails she gets and usually I will delete them or just skim over them. Today I read through them and found this gem. Its quite perfect and so so true.  The other day Camden had his awful day, I put on my status "thinking this may be the worst day we've had in along time. I hate you autism. Is it bedtime yet??"  I got 10 comments under it ranging from I'm sorry's to I'm praying for you's. They worked, I updated the statusat 2:17 and by 5 he had settled down big time. The next day he was EXCELLENT.

* * * * *

Yesterday after school was out Candace had her friend come over. They play so well together an did their homework. When I was driving her home, she asked if Candace could move in with her. I told her no, Joey wouldn't like that. Ha ha. Candace gave me her *shocked* face and Victoria laughed. I told her the answer was no, we would both miss her. Then the little geniuses asked if Victoria could move in with us. Then they started trying to convince me that it would be fine with her dad, her brother is already moving to Montana to live with his grandparents. I told her to ask her dad and then I would think of an answer. Of course her dad would say no. That's kind of crazy right?  But... it got me thinking. That would be pretty awesome. I like Victoria, she's a really good kid. She is over all the time anyways, she is good with the boys and they like her. Plus then Candace could switch schools AND keep going to school with Vicky. That's the main reason she doesn't want to switch. Hmmm, maybe I can convince him to let her move in! Ha ha ha.

* * * * *

We got a new doggy! His name is Easy and his name is so perfect for him. He's a 3 year old pug, my friend gave him to us. He fits right in, the kids absolutely love him. As soon as Carter wakes up or we get home he's asking for "Easy? Puppy dog?" Its really cute.  I was trying to upload a picture but its not working.

*****

My house smells so good right now! My hubby and I are going to an autism class tonight so grandma V is coming to watch the kiddos. I've got dinner going in the crock pot to make things easier for her. Pineapple Chicken and rice. Its so good and totally gluten and casein free.

I coat the bottom of the pot with onion powder. Next up is 4 chicken breasts going around in a circle. I use pineapple rings and place them on top of the chicken and then dump the juice in too. Then comes terriyaki sauce. I do two circles around. And then chicken broth over the top of it all. Probably 2 cups?  Cook on high for 5 hours and make rice when its almost ready= yummy easy dinner :)

It only takes a second

Its funny how things can be going so great and one second later everything is in shambles. This morning after taking Candace to school, the boys and I went to the doctor for Bubba. We were goofing around, singing along with the radio and all of a sudden Carter is screaming. Why? Because Bubba squeezed his orange into his little brothers EYE. Holy moly I was mad in less than a second. And then after yelling at him for a minute I just cried and cried and cried. And my thoughts led me to this: I really hate autism sometimes. On his quirky days its not so bad, even when he is yelling and screaming and hitting himself I don't like it and it makes me sad. But on the days he is just a completely huge terd it makes me so mad. A little bit of my anger is at him, but most of it is at autism and myself. And then I start feeling guilty. Its not his fault. Deep down I know its also not mine but...

What if I had caught it sooner?
What if I realized how far behind he really was?
What if he hadn't fallen off the bed 4 times as a baby/toddler?
What if I had done MORE?
And then, what if this is my fault?

This last week Carter has been getting into everything and his vocabulary is just exploding. He is talking and repeating everything. Yes, its a little jumbled because he is two, but Camden didn't do that. I've always called Camden my sweet boy. When he was little I would hold him and put his arms around me, so that he would be hugging me. My mom made fun of that, but I thought it was great. And now looking back, also smart. He and I have a saying we do before bed or if I am leaving him somewhere-  Me-"I love you", Bubs-  "love you", Me- "Allways", Bubs- "Allways",  both of us- "and", Bubs- "FOREVVVVEEEERRRR", me- "yesss."  I am also glad that I taught him this and ingrained it into his brain. Because if I hadn't, I'm sure he would still tell me he loved me, but it may not be like this. I don't have any cute sayings with my other two children. I think its very funny the way life works. When we found out that we were having a boy I was so so sad. I had a 5 year old girl, I didn't know what to do with a boy. And then I heard a song that made me okay with having a boy. "He's my son" by Mark Schultz. It really gave me a peace,I was okay with having a boy and I knew I could do it. I told my mom and she was shocked I liked the song because it was so sad and the singer wrote it about his friends son who had leukemia. And she's right, it is sad, but for some strange reason I was just comforted by it. I think now, its quite perfect and maybe God was just getting me ready for my sweet little boy that I love more than life. Lyrics...



I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

I'm so glad to be Bubba's mommy. Even when he is driving me crazy. I can handle autism, it sure ain't gonna handle me!! Ahh, I feel so much better now. Especially since both of my boys are snuggled up next to me watching a movie :)