Day 3- Something you have to forgive yourself for. Wow, so many things running through my mind... I suppose the one that keeps coming up is how I dealt with Joey when Candace was little. And how it affected her. Looking back I completely see the things I could have done better, been nicer about. But at 19 and with my head filled with scary stories from my best friend with a baby and all of their bull crap and from my mom the counselor, I was a little scared of all the what ifs, especially since we weren't on the best of terms. Now though, it breaks my heart when Candace asks why daddy isn't in her baby pictures like he is in the boy's. And why he wasn't at her first 2 birthdays, or there on a Tuesday. And I'm not going to take all of the blame on that, but I should have thought about the future a little more, not that I was mad at him then, that he was stupid then, or that I was scared he might not give her back if she stayed with him back then. Because really, its affected her alot. And I feel bad, I try to make it up to her but I think what I really need to do is just move forward. And to do that, I need to forgive my younger self for all my silliness and unnecessary worrying that still bothers Candace AND Joey. And while I'm at it, I need to ask them for their forgiveness too.
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I really like this exercise, its making me open up and I'm doing it in real life too, not just on the computer. And speaking of exercising, maybe part of my 30 days of truth is I need to exercise my body more too. Because, if I'm being honest, that could use some work too.
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