Mom- I am not sure when we became frenemies, if it was when I was being a turd teenager or before that but I hate our relationship. Its sucky. I've always wanted you to love me for me, despite all my flaws. I know I am not perfect, I don't need it pointed out repeatedly, year after year. Its hurtful and makes me resent you when things get brought up over and over.
Some of my mistakes are funny yes, but to keep being reminded of what a rotten kid I was and how mean I was to Brady isn't really helping anything. Or do you think it is? Trust me, I feel HORRIBLE about the scar on his face. I have cried quite a few times about that and I have apologized to Brady. He's forgiven me, when will you? I am not a screw up anymore, I'd like to not be treated as one anymore. I know you think I was such a bad kid but I really wasn't. Yes, I was naive and yes I did get pregnant at 18. But that wasn't on purpose. I got caught on my first or second time! And, most importantly, you love Candace, so do we really need to rehash that one?
I think that if you are honest with yourself, you aren't completely happy with your life. And I am easy to bring down. I think that's why you treat me the way you do. I also truly believe you don't realize how you treat me. You can't, or you wouldn't do it. It baffles me that as a counselor you do some of the things you do and say the things you say. I know that Daddy isn't perfect, BELIEVE ME. And I don't defend him as if its my job, I defend him when I feel its necessary. The latest defense being that my father is not autistic. I cannot even believe that you try to justify your two's relationship issues with deciding he has autism or aspergers. Now, lets not get mixed up here- there is nothing wrong with someone having autism, its just that my dad isn't someone who has it. Yes, he has a routine. He's a grown man with a job and household duties who also likes to golf and watch baseball. He's a simple man. No, he's not a social butterfly. But he has friends, he is friendly with strangers at stores and restaurants, he gets along with your friends. He doesn't show affection to you or call you beautiful, yes that's hurtful but no- you don't get to justify that with " since he has autism, he can't show affection. And I can't hold it against him if its not something he's capable of". That's the biggest crock of crap I've ever heard. As someone who is actually dealing with autism on a daily basis, its almost insulting that you would just toss that out there. And then you tell other people too! It blows my mind.
Maybe try getting off your high horse for a little while. If you would stop looking down on us imperfect people, you might realize you just might be as messed up as the rest of us. Its so frustrating and disappointing that you act as though you are so much better than everyone. You are such a smart lady but sometimes you just don't get it.
I love you, and I know you love me. I wish we didn't fight so much. Especially now that you have cancer. I'm not ready to lose you.
-Meg
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